Starting Over
by xX-Natasja-Xx
Summary: A one-shot about Meredith her past and the loss of her baby What will happen when she meets Derek? will she be able to love someone again? and how will she feel when she finds out that she is pregnant again? I suck at summary's...


**A second chance**

**Disclaimer: GA doesn't belong to me, just making my own story's.  
A/N: **this oneshot is kind of AU, but at the same time it's not anyway it all will explain  
when you read it..  
Just a little idea that came into my head and needed to be written down on  
paper.****

xx-Natasja-xx 

It was one and a half year ago when Meredith's life slowly fell apart, she was still in med school when she fell in love with Jake, a blonde half long haired small guy, always dressed in comfort jeans and t-shirts. Meredith wasn't the type of girl to fall in love easily, no she was far from that type of girl.

Meredith didn't have the great childhood everyone wishes for a child, Her parents divorced when she was six and her dad left her with her Mother Ellis who's a general surgeon and was at work almost always. Meredith didn't developed a good relationship with her mother, her mother was a better surgeon then a mother figure.  
Ellis always told Meredith to be extraordinary and Meredith tried but she always failed in her mother's eyes. She got her attention once or twice but that was after dying her hair pink, yes you've read it good; pink! And leaving for a trip through Europa which meant taking a break from school for a year.

When two years and two months ago Meredith found out that she was pregnant she was terrified and started asking herself all kinds of questions; How can I raise a child while I'm in med school, or internship, will Jake stay, will I turn out to be my mother? After questioning herself she decided to keep the baby and figured out everything would be alright. But it didn't.

when she told Jake she was pregnant he left her, he simply told her that he wasn't ready and that she should abort the child. Meredith however just couldn't do that so she decided to do it all alone then. She was broken the first weeks, she never trusted a guy or did the real relationship thing, no she used to sleep around wit different guys in a week for the so called no strings attached. She loved the freedom and her immediately instinct was to start the one-night stands again and grab for the tequila but for the well-being of her baby she didn't.

Then the contractions started and she delivered a beautiful baby boy, only to hear from the doctor that he passed away during the delivery. He had the cord wrapped around his neck and no one did notice before he got out, Slowly her life fell apart.

Then a couple weeks later she got a call from the hospital, her mother had a heart attack and she would never be able to build up a relationship with her mom again.

After everything what happened, Meredith wanted a fresh start in a place that she didn't know but at the same time had some memories from her childhood, before her parents divorced. So she moved to Seattle, the place where her mother still had a house so she only had to apply to some internships there, she tried Mercy west and Seattle grace (the place where her mom did her internship also) and she got accepted for both. She decided to go to Seattle Grace Hospital and two months later she moved there.

The night before her first day of work she went to a place called Joe's to drink some of her favorite liquor Tequila and pick up some random guy as always.  
Only this time the random guy turned out to be her boss, that little fact about her one-night stand she found out the next day on her first day of work. He fell in love with her and it didn't take too long before she found herself loving him too, this time she had more feelings for him then she ever had for someone else, even for Jake.

Since then things moved fast, she became best friends with his best friends Addison and Mark and it only took 2 or 3 months before they moved in together in her house since they always spend time together after work. Her house, that used to be her mothers had so many rooms that she decided to let Addison and Mark move In with them. They didn't expect Addison and Mark to become a couple because of that.

Now present day, Meredith sat in the bathroom while she cried. She looked up at the stick in her hand once again and noticed two stripes "crap" she muttered as she cried even harder. She couldn't do this again, she was afraid that her life would be turned upside down once again just like the last time she was pregnant.

Someone knocked at the door, but she didn't answer and thought that he or she would leave when they got no response from her.  
didn't she know that this someone would enter anyway.

"Mer, what is wrong?" Addison asked her when she sat down next to Meredith on the floor, then she noticed the pregnancy test in Meredith her hands "is it positive?" She quickly added.

Meredith looked up at her best friend and noticed that Addison her eyes were full of concern "it is, and I don't know what to do" Meredith simply said after taking a deep breath

"Everything will be okay, do you want a baby?" Addison asked, not knowing of her past

Meredith nodded slightly "everything will be screwed up again, I don't know if I can do this again" she said as she looked up at Addison "I'm already a mom, but my son died during childbirth. Jason had his cord wrapped around his neck" She cried

Addison pulled her closer and wrapped her arms around her "I didn't know, I am sorry. When was this?" she gently asked while she rocked Meredith to comfort her

Meredith took a deep breath before answering "one and a half year ago, Derek will leave me just like Jake did and I can't have him leave because I love him to much! And I don't know If I can have this baby because I can't lose another baby! With my luck this one would die too! And I don't even know if Derek is ready for children and I never told him this before, because I was too afraid that he would leave me for it" Meredith let out the breath she didn't even knew she was holding before looking up at Addison "what should I do?" she asked

Addison listened to Meredith her rambling and when she stopped, she stroke a tear away from Meredith her cheek "you should talk with him, he will understand and I know Derek for years now and I know that he would be thrilled to be a dad" Addison smiled at her before getting back up on her feet and handing Meredith a hand so she could stand up too "what about I make you dinner and I think that Derek and Mark will be back from their fishing trip soon, then Mark and I can head out for a moment and you can talk to Derek" Addison said as they headed downstairs

"Thank you" Meredith said as she looked up at Addison.

Addison gave her a wink "no problem, anything for my person" she smiled, happy that she met Meredith. The two of them were very different but they developed a great bond together, one that according to Addison was very priceless!

**xx-Natasja-xx**

After they all ate dinner and cleaned up Addison did what she had promised and she and Mark headed out for the evening, leaving Meredith and Derek alone.

Meredith sat on the couch, while fidgeting with her fingers.  
Derek sat down next to her and placed his hand on hers "babe what's bothering you? you've been so quiet since Mark and I came back and you seem nervous. Did I do something wrong today? Are you breaking up?" He asked as his fear grew, he loved her and he couldn't stand to lose her. His mind started to make up all these bad scenarios.

Meredith looked up at him before placing her hands on his cheeks and kissing him softly on his lips. Then she smiled a weak smile at him "it's not you, I love you" Meredith softly told him and a smile crossed Derek's face.

"I just need to tell you something from my past and I hope you will hear me out, if you get mad at me or want to leave me after that I totally will understand but just listen" She said and she placed her finger on Derek his lips as she noticed that he wanted to say something.

"before you I've had one relationship besides all my one night stands, I thought I loved this guy but know I know what real love is and I think I just had a crush on him. Never mind when we were together I found out that I was pregnant, I told him and he left me and told me to do an abortion. I couldn't and I kept the baby "she took a deep breath before she continued "I delivered a son, Jason but he died during childbirth" Meredith wiped away a tear "He had his cord wrapped around his neck and no one did notice in time. Now you probably hate me for never telling you but I was afraid to lose you. This morning I found out that I am pregnant again and now I'm afraid that you aren't ready and will leave me just like Jake did.. or that something will go wrong again and I will lose this baby too! I've never had luck on my side so why would it now?" She said as she wiped her eyes.

Derek looked at her with sympathy and he pulled her into a hug when she finished talking.. He hold her for a moment before kissing her on her lips. "Im sorry that happened to you! you would have been a great mother for him" he said "Jake is an ass and I would never leave you for something what happened in your past. I would love to be a parent together with you and I want you to keep our baby and we will make sure nothing will happen! We have Addison!" he said and he kissed her again "And as for Jason I'm sad that I never got to know him" he said and he looked up at Meredith who wiped a tear away from her cheek

"yeah me too" Meredith said softly and a smile crossed her face "are we really going to be a family?" she asked him happily and she brushed her lips against his again, wish resulted in him kissing her and making sweet love to each other.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

The next morning Meredith woke up and noticed that Derek was looking at her "watching me again?" She asked with a smile before kissing him on his lips.

"I'm not watching you, I am adoring you, loving you" He said with a cocky smile before kissing her softly on her lips "good morning" he said before moving to her belly and lifting up her shirt which revealed her bare skin. He placed a kiss on it and smiled "good morning my little baby" he said with a wide grin which made Meredith smile too.

just at that moment Meredith felt like she was the happiest girl in the world. She still missed her son in her life but she was so glad to have Derek in her life by now. And she couldn't wait for their baby to arrive.  
one and a half year ago Meredith never would have thought to find love in her life again or ever would be pregnant again. But here she was pregnant of the love in her life and she just knew that the future would bring nothing but happiness for her and Derek. And 7.5 months later she delivered a perfect healthy girl Casidy Hope Shepherd.

**xx-Natasja-xx  
**  
The End.. Hope you liked this oneshot.  
Maybe in the future I will make a sequel of it.

I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes, Dutch is my native language and that means English isn't.****

Please Review? 


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